The Amazing Spider-Man 2: A(nother) Chick Flick with Superheroes

uncle ben

If you can do good things, or like… the stuff that isn’t bad… or you know… make the choice that will mean good stuff happens for someone, you should because of things and stuff.

I saw The Amazing Spider-Man 2 last week, and it’s taken me a full week to really digest it and form what I want to say about it. As a review, this will include spoilers, so don’t read on if you haven’t seen said movie or if you haven’t but don’t care about spoilers.

My number one complaint about the first Amazing Spider-Man was that it’s basically a chick flick with a super hero. I mean, there’s even a period joke, guys. A period joke. If that doesn’t scream chick flick, I don’t know what will.

Maybe a drawn-out “will-they-won’t-they” relationship with some dreamy guy with a dark secret… oh, wait.

But over and over, with this new Spider-Man franchise, the whole thing seems to be carried on the back of Peter Parker’s chemistry with Gwen Stacy – because frankly, nothing else about it is that great.

The amazing acrobatic feats that Spidey is capable of, for example, all seem incredibly CGI-ed. At points, it’s almost like watching a cartoon. Which would be fine if… you know… I paid to watch a cartoon.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 Electro Screenshot CGI Effects

On the other hand, it IS the most realistic cartoon I’ve ever seen.

It’s also quite long, at two hours and twenty-two minutes. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: not every movie needs to be Lord of the Rings. Thanks a lot, Peter Jackson.

It spends a lot of time telling us that Jamie Foxx is quirky, alone, idolizes Spider-Man (because Spider-Man’s careless with his words and cares more about how he is seen by people than he does about how they’re affected), and doesn’t have any friends because he’s just too weird and nerdy. Ryan from the Office ryans him around a little bit. Suddenly, because Ryan ryaned him so hard, he gets powers!

Then it spends a lot of time kind of re-treading the last movie: Gwen and Peter have great chemistry, but he’s afraid she’ll get hurt, but he doesn’t care about the risks because he just can’t help himself, and Gwen’s kind of perfect because she’s cute and smart and funny. Blah, blah, blah. He loves her, can’t be with her, is with her anyways, then she’s going to leave him, but he’s going to go with her…

It throws in Harry Osborn – albeit, the most emo, slimy little Harry Osborn you’ve ever seen in any iteration – as Peter’s best friend that you knew absolutely nothing about in the last film because he was conveniently in boarding school. They haven’t seen or talked each other in years, but clearly that’s the basis for the closest friendship Peter has!

The plot thickens: Harry Osborn is desperate for some of Spidey’s blood because if he can do everything a spider can, maybe he has increased self-healing ability that would help cure him of a deadly hereditary disease!

But plot hole, and the worst one of the movie: ok, so Norman Osborn’s bout with the disease set on while he was Harry’s age – around 20. Still, Norman didn’t die till he was at least 50. Why would Harry get so pissed off that Spider-Man told him “not yet.” That’s not a no. It’s a “we don’t know what it’ll do yet, so let’s get it tested and make sure it’s safe first.” But Harry’s all, “WHY DOES SAFETY MATTER?! I’M DYINGGG!!!!!” Dude, you’re not dying MUCH faster than the rest of us. Chill out. Plus it’s a hereditary disease. It’s not the same as a virus that your anti-bodies can fight. It’s something that might actually require gene therapy – not spider venom.

Because he can’t get it, he goes all crazy, teams up with Electro, raids the company that formerly belonged to him, and uses an experimental serum on himself. Sounds rational.

The end of the movie was expected for any comic fan. And there was a lot that was done well. Overall, though, I’d probably only give The Amazing Spider-Man 2 a 3 out of 5. I hate drawn-out movies, and more than that: I hate plot holes.

What did you think?

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